Supporting a survivor of sexual assault and trauma requires empathy, patience, and a deep understanding of their healing process. Whether you’re a friend, family member, or partner, knowing the right things to say and do can make a profound difference. Here are ten meaningful ways to provide emotional support, reassurance, and comfort.
1. Listen Without Judgment
One of the most powerful things you can do is listen. Let the survivor share their story at their own pace without interrupting, questioning, or offering solutions. Say things like:
- “I believe you.”
- “It wasn’t your fault.”
- “You are not alone.”
Avoid asking “why” questions, “what happened?” or specifics of the attack, which may feel accusatory or questioning their experience or making them relive it . Instead, offer a safe space for them to be heard.
2. Respect Their Boundaries
Trauma can make survivors sensitive to touch, noise, or unexpected situations. Always ask before hugging, holding their hand, or even making plans. Give them control over decisions, and never push them to talk or act before they are ready. Survivors can be grieving the loss of who they were before, and grief can make people bubble over. I would have panic attacks at the grocery store and would only shop at the CVS across the street late night. I posted on social media what happened but could not talk to my family. And then I would delete in regret. No two people experience grief and trauma the same way.
3. Help Them Feel Safe
Many survivors experience anxiety, flashbacks, or hypervigilance. Small gestures can help them regain a sense of security:
- Offer to walk them to their car or wait until they get home safely.
- Create a quiet, calming environment when they visit.
- Let them know they can leave a situation if they feel uncomfortable.
Avoid bars, parties, and situations if they are hesitant. Offer your companionship/friend time in their safe space.
Avoid movies and shows with themes of their trauma out of respect and solidarity.
4. Offer Practical Support
Trauma can make daily tasks overwhelming. Help in small but meaningful ways:
Cook a meal or bring groceries.
Offer childcare if they have kids.
Run errands or help with household chores.
Send a card
These small acts of kindness can lighten their load and show that you care.
5. Give Thoughtful, Comforting Gifts
A small, thoughtful gift can provide comfort and reassurance. Consider:
- A weighted blanket for anxiety relief.
- A journal for them to write down their thoughts.
- A self-care package with tea, candles, and a soothing playlist.
- A book on trauma healing, such as The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. Or The Evil Hours: A biography of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder by David J. Morris. We highly recommend loved ones read them too!
6. Be Patient with Their Healing Process
Healing from trauma is not linear, and survivors may have good days and bad days. Avoid saying things like:
- “You should be over this by now.”
- “Just try to move on.”
Instead, validate their experience and remind them that healing takes time.
7. Encourage Professional Support
Gently suggest professional help, such as therapy or support groups, but never pressure them. Offer resources like:
- The National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 800-656-HOPE
- Local trauma therapists or counselors (if you want to go the extra mile you can offer to help research and call based on their insurance to see if they are taking new patients- that whole process is so stressful and can be defeating with many listed and few therapists actually available).
- A subscription to SunlightU.com to help understand the science of trauma and they are not alone.
Let them know they are not alone and that help is available when they are ready.
8. Be Mindful of Triggers
Certain situations, sounds, movies/shows or even phrases may trigger painful memories. If a survivor reacts unexpectedly, stay calm and supportive. Ask them how you can help them feel safe and reassured.
9. Advocate and Educate Yourself
Understanding trauma and sexual assault can make you a better ally. Read about trauma responses, PTSD, and how the brain processes abuse. Support organizations that fight for survivors’ rights, and if appropriate, speak up against victim-blaming or harmful myths.
10. Remind Them of Their Strength
Survivors of sexual assault are incredibly strong, even if they don’t feel like it. Remind them:
- “You are brave for surviving.”
- “You are not defined by what happened to you.”
- “You deserve love, safety, and healing.”
Your continued support, no matter how small, can help them rebuild trust and confidence in themselves and others.
Thank you for reading this!
Supporting a survivor of sexual assault is about showing up with empathy, patience, and love. Your words and actions can help them feel seen, heard, and valued. By being a safe person in their life, you can play a significant role in their healing journey. Thank you for taking the time to learn more about how to support your loved one it means the world to us.
-Britt, Survivor